Flintie writes to the president of Malawi.

Mense, niks kry my so opgewerk soos die tipe ding nie. Ek glo in regte vir almal. Nie net Gay regte of Straight regte nie. Mens is mens. Tog het Malawi se regering besluit om twee mans, wat in ‘n tadisionele verlowing verloof geraak het, te vervolg. Nou wat nou? Uganda wil ons vrek skiet, of hang, of watookal hulle doodstraf behels, en nou lyk dit my Malawi is volgende in die ry vir die obskure wetstoepassing.

Wadefok is dit met mense?

Ek weet hoe die Jode moes voel. Op my kontinent is ek op die veiligste hierso in Suid Afrika, want enige ander plek sal ek dood gemaak word op gronde van wie in my bed slaap. Sinneloos…

So, ek het besluit ek skryf vandag ‘n brief aan die President van Malawi.

Dear President;

I’m a flaming homosexual from South Africa. That’s the country  below you right at the tip of the continent, south of course. I trust that you have access to computers, and a power grid, and internet and mxit, and facebook, and all that. So I trust that you can read ‘cause I cant type hieroglyphics that well, I must confess I’m even worse at speaking it.

Nevertheless I’ll take my chances.

What’s up with you and your people? Why is homosexuality such a crime? You know there is nothing evil in gay people. We walk and talk, laugh and cry just like you do. Ok, the boys might suck a bit more cock than you do, but does that really matter?

You know, in Uganda they want to kill us.

Now imagine that your son, or grandson grows up to be gay. This son grows to be a man of great importance. He brings a lot of pride to his families hearts, and he brings good money, honest values and loads of love to the world in honor of his mother’s teachings. She made him this great man. But this son is gay. Now what? Midas just turned into a turd ‘cause he does not “do-it” like you do?

You keep the people in prison for fear of what the people will do them if they get their hands on them?

With all do respect mister President, it’s a load of crap if there has ever been one. In all African traditions engagement and marriage is a huge family affair. There are people that love them sir. There is a mother waiting for her son tonight. A father thinking of his little boy that skipped and played in the fields.

Why are you so mean mister President?

Look at your country, it’s a mess. Why not focus on infrastructure? Why not get an economy, cause the one you got is fucked anyway. Now you keep two  men in a maximum prison, refusing bail, for what?  You realize that those to men just swore to get married, and now they don’t even get to see each other. Jeez, what happened to innocent until proven guilty?

To me and millions of people around the world, Amnesty International included, it sounds like you have already sentenced them. You are a right old piece of shit Mister President. You are suppose to be a leader. You are suppose to take your country forward. You are suppose to be many fucking things, yet all you turn out to be is a low life piece of shit.

A murderer and a terrorist, that is what you are. Police arrested Steven Monjeza, 26 and Tiwonge Chimbalanga, 20, in late December for getting engaged in a traditional ceremony. They were charged with unnatural practices between males and gross public indecency under the laws your African nation, where homosexuality is a criminal offense.

This week, 34 British members of parliament joined Amnesty International in calling for their unconditional release. Add mine to that list. You know, REAL men don’t HATE!

So mister Bingu wa Mutharika, do the right thing, and let people be themselves. It’s only then that they will be able to truly shine like the diamonds that they are.

Now you have yourself a gay day Mister President, we should get  together for tea sometime. I bake the best muffins in Gauteng and I’ll send your Minister of Police a batch back home with you.

Butterflies, Kisses and plenty of cheescake

Flintie.

PS: You cant sue me for calling you a fucker, or was it a shit? Because I don’t have any money. 😛